by Harmony Vuycankiat
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Pic by by The Loveins
The struggle to surrender is real, is it not? I can surrender something to God one day and then have to turn it over to Him again the very next day. And the next. And the next, etc…It is not that I don’t hand it over to God, it is that I don’t really let him take ALL of it.
I just let Him take a piece of my surrender, but I hold on tightly to a costly chunk. You know, 40% Jesus : 60% Me. Seems fair, right? And even that seemingly irrelevant piece that I gave up was a fight for me to release. I white-knuckled it as long as I could. (Maybe I’m the only one?) I surrender my parenting skills (or lack thereof) to Jesus EVERY SINGLE DAY. Not because He hasn’t already taken them and given me the grace to walk in that surrender. No. In the heat of the moment, I unhoist my white flag and hide it under my bed in hopes that He will forget I ever waved it in the first place.
I can do mommyhood better all by myself, I think. And the cycle continues because I don’t want to give up my right to yell, “Because I said so!” or “I’m the boss!” in the face of one of my kids. And that’s when I feel the longing to surrender once again, courtesy of the Holy Spirit. This time, maybe the urge to let it all go is a little bit stronger.Or maybe my realization that I cannot do this mommy thing without Him is super apparent.
Wait...isn’t that what grace is all about? Either way, why wouldn’t I take all the help I can get from the only One who is really able to help me? My need for surrender is not based on an outward expression of anger or control. It is fundamentally connected to the inner condition of my heart. When I truly come to grips with my struggle to surrender, I pray something like this: “ Lord, I give you my heart. I give you my thoughts. I give you everything. I only want to do Your will.”
Complete surrender only happens when I desire to give it all to God because I trust that His will is so much better than my own and honestly, that’s hard thing to do. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it, right? But, there is so much joy that comes when I choose to relinquish my grip on what I think I need to control and let Jesus have His way in me.
Try it today:
Hold out your hands, palms up to heaven.
What is it that you cannot seem to give over to God?
Just let it go as you breathe out in surrender.
I promise you, it is safer in His nail-scarred hands anyways.